Hi World, Big topic that often crosses my mind, a predicament that I often have found myself in, as do many thousands of you. When a victim turns survivor becomes victim once again. How is that so? well in a sense it just is and it has the ability to just happen and spiral out of our control at times. You don't speak up, Your weak or the problem must not be that bad, You speak up, your mean, you took to long, your causing hurt and pain to your abuser and the family. Is their a situation where you can even win this battle? Yes there is but you don't win this battle with people who haven't the education enough to know any better, you win the battle within yourself, eventually.
I've been tormented with this particular scenario for years now, even if I had never been abused my belief would still be the same. I'm strong minded and carry my own values and beliefs despite all those who have tried to control me. I personally have always found it very odd how in my case people turn around and treat me as if I never called for help. I used to feel very angry, low, sad, worthless and extremely confused however now I stand reassured in myself, I know I spoke up many times. Do I think that matters? No I do not, I know most victims and survivors do not speak up about their sexual abuse for decades, often 30-40 years pass before the pain of self destruction bursts and it all comes pouring out.
About a month ago I was listening to the Ray Hadley show, My husband came home and told me he heard something on the radio and wanted me to listen to it. My heart broke, an 80 year old man was speaking of his abuse for the first time and he was restricted to tears. Nobody knows what it really truly feels like unless they live through it but we are so blessed to have supporters out there who do know how to place themselves in our shoes, Not everyone in the world in uneducated about this topic. This man was not on the Ray Hadley show but it was a cruel setting where this man called another station and his story did not receive the right compassion and Ray Hadley decided to air it.
What I would like to say is, For a long time I let my family drag me down, I watch people who were meant to support me constantly pass judgment on me and time and time again they threw me back to victim mode. They have tried time and time again to make me feel bad for something that should have never happened to me, ME, feel bad for a crime that was committed to me? I'm not harming anybody so I have nothing to be ashamed about, even if I was seeking Justice I would still not deserve to be called the words means and be told that I am hurting the abuser, nobody thought of me, everybody had years and years to stop what was happening to me. I don't deserve to be put down, manipulated or name called and the same goes for you.
It's not easy when YOU the victim becomes survivor but people try place you back to Victim mode. It took me longer to fight off all these hurtful words from people that it did to fight off the abuser. The most damage that was ever caused to me was watching how many people didn't care so when you watch people treat you badly you start to lose yourself. The best thing to do is STOP WATCHING, Stop listening, Walk away, Heal yourself. They are uneducated in the matter and in life, NOT YOU.